I don't like mine, FMB can kill me and I'll try my luck in the reincarnation thread.

That would explain the career path. :D

Only from the waist down.

I've recently gotten on the wrong side of the Jesuit World Order. I'm pretty scared they're going to hurt me. I believe the Patriots winning the Super Bowl was a message from them to me.

The Patriots winning yet another Super Bowl has put some CP members with "interesting friends" hot on my tail. "Shut that Chowdah up. PERMANENTLY!" was recently overheard during a Poe/Berry franchise tag discussion. I need to go on the lam, quick.

They'll never expect to find you in Nantucket fixing watches and doing curls.

Bruce and Willa is a fun name for a couple, by the way. It makes me think of Die Hard, which is what you're hoping not to do in the Witness Protection Program.

Male name: BRUCE
Female name: WILLA
Surname: HARTSFIELD
Location: Nantucket, Town and County of, Massachusetts
Male occupation: Watch Repairers
Annual Salary: $17,500
Female occupation: Materials Scientists
Annual Salary: $52,600
Your Main Hobby: Bodybuilding
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Lego building

We think you'll be safe in rural Wisconsin working in a bank. Your only risk is if they connect your new name to the Three Stooges skit with attorneys.

Male name: KENDRICK
Female name: TRACEY
Surname: CHEATHAM
Location: Barron County, Wisconsin
Male occupation: Tellers
Annual Salary: $22,100
Female occupation: Wholesale and Retail Buyers, Except Farm Products
Annual Salary: $59,200
Your Main Hobby: Cryptography
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Auto racing

You should wash your legs once in a while.

Wow, interesting.
My wifes hobby :hmmm: She's lucky she's pulling in the dough!

Combined salary of $52,600 in Nantucket. Presumably they live in a doghouse, or else their housing is paid for by the Feds.

Your summers will rock, your winters will SUCK, and you will really enjoy the seafood, if you can actually afford it.

Sounds pretty nice actually. Winters are going to suck, though. Northwestern Wisconsin cannot be good...

http://geology.com/county-map/wisconsin-county-map.gif



And...yeah. Average is 15 degrees in January, 17 in February. The low is -31 and -24 respectively.

http://www.areavibes.com/barron-wi/weather/


Ah well, hopefully the missus will keep me warm after the Nascar events get her all excited.

Ok, I really need to disappear before the Bubi drug lords catch up with me. Help!

You probably work at Winnebago industries...Hope you enjoy building RV and campers.
Here, you've got 4 things to do...fish, ski, ice fish and snowmobile

You're busted immediately. You're not Amish and you're not one of 4 typical surnames. You can enjoy quality outdoor activity, avoiding Amish buggies in traffic and avoiding buggies on your way to fish or hunt.

You're now in the fastest growing county in Iowa...if you choose wisely in investment properties you'll do great. Hope you enjoy yoga pants, fake snow boots and SUVs with soccer ball stickers in the back window.

Yours may need some work. The first place the drug lords will look is for pharmacy workers in New Mexico. Hopefully your wife can protect you while you're teaching your kids to make candles.

Male name: MARTY
Female name: ANGELA
Surname: BOOHER
Location: Sandoval County, New Mexico
Male occupation: Special Education Teachers, Secondary School
Annual Salary: $74,400
Female occupation: Pharmacy Technicians
Annual Salary: $26,700
Your Main Hobby: Candle making
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Judo

Well, shit! I didn't know about the local costs and I don't even like seafood.
Making 17k a year sucks!

This sounds like fun.

Take me away from all this...

ROFL

As of 2011 Nantucket was the most expensive county in the entire US for average home value.

http://www.bizjournals.com/bizjourna...t-housing.html


Basically, you live like a complete pauper surrounded by the ultra-wealthy on vacation during summer, and by frozen seagulls and perhaps the odd migrating penguin in winter.

And since it's an actual island, with no bridge to the mainland, even ordinary groceries are stupid expensive. Good luck my friend!

Do me do me!

Winnebago, by Sioux City Iowa. I know all about that place.

My wife hates her job and measly pay (and the fact that I sit around crocheting all evening) and called Joey "Bag of Donuts" Gambino and told him where we are. I need out of here in a hurry!

LMAO almost got our occupations reversed. And who knew teachers got paid so well in New Mexico? Sign me up.

Other than having to change your husband's name to Theron, you might want to go ahead and annoy the mafia just to get this life. It sounds pretty good if you can enjoy the work. Plus, geocaching and archery sound fun.

Male name: THERON
Female name: IVA
Surname: BARAJAS
Location: Boundary County, Idaho
Male occupation: Economics Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $75,600
Female occupation: Computer and Information Systems Managers
Annual Salary: $173,000
Your Main Hobby: Archery
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Geocaching

We're going to kill two birds with one stone (metaphorically - physically it's the opposite). We're moving you to the Pacific Northwest with orders to save the Spotted Owl.

Male name: ANDREW
Female name: REBEKAH
Surname: BLOOD
Location: Clallam County, Washington
Male occupation: Forest Fire Inspectors and Prevention Specialists
Annual Salary: $33,300
Female occupation: Environmental Science Teachers, Postsecondary
Annual Salary: $49,200
Your Main Hobby: Ice skating
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Beach Volleyball

Laramie is a nice place. You might enjoy it. But then again, your new hobby may indicate that you don't appreciate a good challenge.

Male name: AVERY
Female name: SELENA
Surname: SOMMERVILLE
Location: Albany County, Wyoming
Male occupation: Hotel, Motel, and Resort Desk Clerks
Annual Salary: $24,300
Female occupation: Chemists
Annual Salary: $42,600
Your Main Hobby: Coloring
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Wikipedia editing*

If you mess that one up, you're going to get saddled with the name "Young Zucker" in Appalachia, so you should really try to make it work.

Male name: YOUNG
Female name: LACY
Surname: ZUCKER
Location: Bledsoe County, Tennessee
Male occupation: Electrical and Electronics Engineering Technicians
Annual Salary: $40,000
Female occupation: Psychiatric Technicians
Annual Salary: $17,600
Your Main Hobby: Shopping
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Hiking

Given my job, I bet I'm the guy who makes the marketing videos for them and develops documentaries on them for The Travel Channel. That's a pretty fun job, I think.

And I'll be sticking to my assigned hobby of astrology over those other things, I think. It's more interesting to me, even though it's not interesting to me at all.

Well, that's not much better.

My hobbies have been crocheting and shopping. Am I a woman in this new life?

Rainmain, I need another option. Nantucket got me away from the Jesuits but I'm being abused by the wealthy denizens of the area. I'm slaving away fixing their collections of Patek Phillipes and Rolexes and the wealth isn't trickling down.

If you can pull it off, it's a great disguise.

How about a well-paid life of shooting stuff and then studying it? But you might want to get a nickname quickly. You can't keep the Bruce/Willa masterpiece of FBI creativity.

Male name: RUFUS
Female name: RHODA
Surname: DUARTE
Location: Macon County, Georgia
Male occupation: Natural Sciences Managers
Annual Salary: $158,100
Female occupation: Upholsterers
Annual Salary: $35,000
Your Main Hobby: Shooting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Ice skating

She told me you're lucky you're keeping your body in shape.

I made a plea bargain with the feds to keep my outa the pen. Had to stoolie on the wiseguys to save my family.

Thanks, were gonna give it a go. I'm a bit worried about Rhodas favorite hobby. Im guessing the ice skating options in a count of 15k ppl in the south are slim to none.

We're making 200k in a place that the average household brings in 29k. The weather should be nice

Get your flu shots, because you're going to be working in a germ factory. But satellite watching is a great cover story for moving to that part of Nebraska. I bet there are no lights on after 8 p.m.

Male name: CARY
Female name: BRIDGET
Surname: BARCLAY
Location: Dundy County, Nebraska
Male occupation: Pediatricians, General
Annual Salary: $111,500
Female occupation: Labor Relations Specialists
Annual Salary: $39,900
Your Main Hobby: Satellite watching
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Tai chi

You were so anonymous that I missed you the first time. Maybe you don't need a new identity, but you'll get one anyway.

I like it when spouses have alliterative names.

Male name: CORY
Female name: CARMELLA
Surname: MCADOO
Location: Shenandoah County, Virginia
Male occupation: Occupational Therapy Aides
Annual Salary: $31,400
Female occupation: Light Truck or Delivery Services Drivers
Annual Salary: $25,900
Your Main Hobby: LARPing
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Figure skating

How come nobody gets a job jerking animals ?

Because that job is already taken.

McAdoo sounds like a Roger Miller song lol. This should be an interesting new life. I can see Cory figure skating...NOT. :)

I had a run-in with some Mexicans near Trump's wall. Need out of Dodge....and quick!

I'm in.

We're going to get you out of there and to a much kinder and gentler place. Maybe some place near Pittsburgh.

Try saying "Juana Woodruff" quickly three times.

Male name: SCOTTIE
Female name: JUANA
Surname: WOODRUFF
Location: Washington County, Pennsylvania
Male occupation: Surgical Technologists
Annual Salary: $52,300
Female occupation: Chemical Technicians
Annual Salary: $55,700
Your Main Hobby: Archery
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Watching movies

You will become a car stereo installer outside Dayton, and your wife will be the person who changes the light bulbs atop radio antennas. That's a fun life.

However, you two should really find more productive hobbies.

Male name: SAUL
Female name: ELNORA
Surname: CLINKSCALES
Location: Clark County, Ohio
Male occupation: Electronic Equipment Installers and Repairers, Motor Vehicles
Annual Salary: $23,700
Female occupation: Radio, Cellular, and Tower Equipment Installers and Repairers
Annual Salary: $39,000
Your Main Hobby: Watching television
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Driving

24K a year and "coloring". FML. If I see a murder, I ain't snitchin now.

I'd like a new life.....

Your wife is a gambling football fan. She seems fun. I'm less interested in seeing your large cockroach collection.

Male name: VITO
Female name: JANET
Surname: WINES
Location: Lewis County, West Virginia
Male occupation: Multimedia Artists and Animators
Annual Salary: $50,300
Female occupation: Gaming Dealers
Annual Salary: $19,000
Your Main Hobby: Insect collecting
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: American football

I rooted some major ruskie DoS servers. I got the goods but now they are looking at puttin me 6 feet under.

You'd better hope they don't find you at your new job or you'll become part of some building foundation. But you seem safe with this low-key lifestyle.

Male name: RICARDO
Female name: RUBY
Surname: ROUTH
Location: Greensville County, Virginia
Male occupation: Cement Masons and Concrete Finishers
Annual Salary: $24,900
Female occupation: Couriers and Messengers
Annual Salary: $28,800
Your Main Hobby: Antiquing
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Kitesurfing

Hit me...I released Trump's tax records to the DNC

We're going to have to send you deep into hiding to a place where the local population will protect you devoutly. That will be, of course, the Bay Area where you will raise your own honey and have a gay-friendly name.

Male name: PETER
Female name: CELIA
Surname: TROTT
Location: Contra Costa County, California
Male occupation: Real Estate Sales Agents
Annual Salary: $34,600
Female occupation: First-Line Supervisors of Retail Sales Workers
Annual Salary: $24,700
Your Main Hobby: Beekeeping
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Polo

My wife's family is racist and I saw her brother put ricin in her grand fathers coffee.. get me the hell out

im wondering how you collect elements..is that like as in hydrogen, helium etc...?? lol

If they're intolerant, we'll taunt them by giving you the name Miguel and making you a fashion designer. It'll be a blind spot for them when they look for you.

Male name: MIGUEL
Female name: HESTER
Surname: ROURKE
Location: Iberia Parish, Louisiana
Male occupation: Fashion Designers
Annual Salary: $36,000
Female occupation: Musical Instrument Repairers and Tuners
Annual Salary: $52,600
Your Main Hobby: Woodworking
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Kite flying

I blew the whistle on a hospital that committed medicare fraud. I dont want to go into hiding. I think its overkill

The health care system is the most dangerous cabal of them all. We need to get you out of there, stat! And perhaps you can make a documentary about it.


Male name: BOOKER
Female name: LADONNA
Surname: PUTMAN
Location: Watonwan County, Minnesota
Male occupation: Producers and Directors
Annual Salary: $74,400
Female occupation: Web Developers
Annual Salary: $96,600
Your Main Hobby: Racquetball
Your Spouse's Main Hobby: Whittling

I learn how not to be seen. So the capo don'tkill me.

You gave us decent jobs.

Thank you very much. I am humbled.

Juana Woodruff Juana Woodruff Juana Woodruff.

That's really hard.