A few months back I notice a guy coming up on my front porch and then lay down face down on it. I was not going to waste any time dealing with this guy was not going to open the front door and allow him any easy entrance. So I went out the back door and picked up the spade I was using earlier and then out the back fence. Go around to the front of the house and here this mother****er sits face down on my porch. I say to him what the **** are you doing. He doesn't move. I say it again. Doesn't move. I tell him then I will cut you in mother****ing half with this spade. He looks up and damn near ran into my truck getting off the property. Haven't seen him since and likely won't.

Don't let any one **** around on your property. Make your terms clear to them that they will feel pain. They will just come back if they don't get the don't **** around point.

Have another guy in the neighborhood that I like to call, "Talks to trees". He don't talk to my trees any more.

Homeless crackheads aren’t real people. If it makes you feel better pretend he’s a possum or something while you crack his skull with the tire iron.

1. Cops have no legal duty to protect you, so you can't sue them and force them to take action. Further, if something happens to you, you can't seek a monetary award for professional neglect.

2. Second, use of force against a trespasser is a privilege that you only obtain if you have a reasonable fear that he is about to cause you great bodily harm. (A legal privilege is something that would normally be a crime but is allowed under the circumstances. It's what is called an "affirmative defense" in that you admit to the elements of a criminal act but plead an exception that allows it under the circumstances).

Him invading your home can create a presumption of threat in many jurisdictions. However, you can only use deadly force against a threat so long as they are creating a reasonable belief that they might harm you. For example, if they turn and run away, you can't pursue them and beat them with a bat, even if they grab some of your stuff.

3. If you do decide to do something to him, and the cops come DO NOT TALK TO THEM AT ALL. ONLY GIVE YOUR NAME AND IDENTITY and say "I WANT TO SPEAK TO A LAWYER" as the only response to any questions. Plus, you should only identify yourself if they place you under arrest. Until you are under arrest, you have no duty to identify yourself (unless you're in a traffic stop, because you are required to show an ID if you are driving a car. Note passengers DO NOT have to identify themselves.)

MAKE NO STATEMENTS without legal counsel. Not even about where you were, what you were thinking, why you did what you did....NOTHING. Repeat over and over, "I WANT A LAWYER, I WANT A LAWYER, I WANT A LAWYER."

4. Statements to police can only harm and cannot help your case. This truism is actually baked into the rules of evidence, in that a police report is actually hearsay evidence and thus, inadmissable in most situations. However, if you admit to some fact that harms your case, it becomes the hearsay exception known as "admission against interest."

Climbing your way up to a third floor balcony sounds like a bit more than just loitering.

Take her to a Gun Shop and let her blow a hole in this dude.

Whatever makes the loudest, longest amount of noise

You’re ****ed and anything you do is now premeditated.

24 posts in and no one has said anything about the George Brett statue. This place is falling apart.

Always keep an unregistered gun in your home so you can claim that you wrestled it away from the guy and shot him in self-defense.

the best thing to do is let yourself get raped then collect a sperm sample and sue. or maybe get on some kind of talk show .

Is that really relevant to the story?

Ask Clay who he called to get on the news. That should solve your issues

Pocket air horn, I’ve used it twice, they both hauled ass. One was a bum in my daughters yard and the other was a drunk who decided I was a Uber. Plus I don’t have to worry about legalities. Super easy to carry.