Mark of the beast is the only logical explanation.

Battle wound from a viscous carving fork scrape in the great Ryan's roast beef carving station battle of 2011.

Woman scratched you while your were downtown?

Court ordered lobotomy but I escaped and have been on the run every since.

Let my buddy on a dare shoot apple off my head with Bow and Arrow. He grazed me.

I vote this. Or maybe an Eagle? Murica as fuk

Zombies tried to eat my brain.

You got it from doing u-turns under the sheets.

Glancing blow from playing chicken with a Cobra, and the obligatory...

"Ya, but you should see the Cobra"

Throwing star fight.

Tell them you were attacked by a fierce prehistoric dinosaur from an agrarian area, the notorious velocitractor

Mouthed off to oddjob. Had to duck his razor sharp hat. He just nicked me.

You were playing a charity hockey game where it was you vs 8 toddlers. They ganged up on you against the boards. In the commotion you lost your helmet and fell to the ground. That's when lil' Madison kicked you in the head with her training skates.

Blowjobs for days, (from adult women when they hear the story).

Amputee wolverine escaped the animal rescue and you saved its life.

Meat curtain scar from back in college?