Yeah I'm married. But see, I let the girl do it for almost three hours. And now I'm the only one that knows and it's killing me.

Telling her won't make her feel better. It'll make you feel better. Don't be ****ing selfish. If you feel bad, don't ****ing do it again.

Yeah, but I didn't even stop her. She was all like, "I'm breaking into Chuck E Cheese to play skee ball with no screaming kids around." And I just let her.

Now everyone wants to know where she is, and I'm the only one who knows she's making love to a mechanical dog in a cowboy outfit while pigging out on stolen pizza.

DON'T BE ****ING SELFISH!

I would never kill anybody, cheat on my wife, or place wood chips in my dog's anus, if that's where you and bug where getting at.

Rough-housing with my girl and I broke her necklace and couch within 5 seconds of eachother.
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How was dinner Matty Slice?

I can't believe I don't get any help over in the beryllium thread.

Goals people. Goals.

I had a 9 oz filet with garlic mash potatoes. It was ok. The potatoes were gross. I had a bowl of french onion soup which was bomb and the bloomin onion which we just boxed up and took home.
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bloomin onion?

ooh, bad call, the blooming onion won't be the same after it's been reheated. You should've eaten it at the restaurant and brought the steak and potatoes home instead since they were going to suck anyway.

What the **** is this onion and how do you bloom it?

it's already bloomed when it comes to your table.

What does bloom mean? Is it open? Or is it like origami with an onion? I don't know if I want my onion turned into a swan.