Update!

pr0n (there goes about another 10 minutes)

I'm kidding... really. This was more like 15.

You didn't use Dove shampoo, did you?

Heheh. All kidding aside, I'm divorced and have custody of my two boys. They're 14 and 12 now. They go to "mom's" every other weekend. This is one of those weekends.

Oh.

Well, since you're alone, you could pull off a nasty prank.

I'm assuming you ordered a hannah montana doll for the weekend?

And here I was going to suggest someone start digging up your back yard...

You sound as if you have something in mind...

I used herbal essences. I still have that feeling...

RED BARON Special Deluxe Pizza, Two Cheeses, Sausage, Pepperoni & Onions, frozen
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size

Amount per Serving
Calories 261 kcal
% Daily Value
Total Fat 13.80 g 22%
Saturated Fat 4.860 g 25%
Polyunsaturated Fat 5.350 g
Monounsaturated Fat 1.760 g
Cholesterol 19 mg 7%
Sodium 546 mg 23%
Total Carbohydrates 24.80 g 9%
Dietary Fiber 0%
Sugars
Protein 9.30 g %
Recommended Daily Allowances
Calories 2000 2500
Total Fat Less than 65g 80g
Sat Fat Less than 20g 25g
Cholesterol Less than 300mg 300mg
Sodium Less than 2400mg 2400mg
Total Carbohydrate 300g 375g
Dietary Fiber 25g 30g

What?... I don't even...

I do, but if I posted what I had in mind everyone would be like "WTF" and "Why in the world would he think of something like that?"

For the first prank, change the codes for locks or passwords at your house for no reason.

I'm a single dad with two kids. There are no codes..lol Just a key.

Kellogg's® Pop-Tarts® Frosted Chocolate Chip toaster pastries

Where to Buy
Nutrition Facts
http://www2.kelloggs.com/ServeImage....1f7d1625&w=600


Chocolate chips baked into a cookie crust that's drizzled with chocolatey icing and filled with chocolate flavored goodness. Grab a tall glass of milk and dunk away.
View available sizes. 12 ct, 8 ct, 2 ct, 2 ct, 16 ct Ingredients

ENRICHED FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, REDUCED IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE [VITAMIN B1], RIBOFLAVIN [VITAMIN B2], FOLIC ACID), SUGAR, SOYBEAN AND PALM OIL (WITH TBHQ FOR FRESHNESS), DEXTROSE, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, CRACKER MEAL, CORN SYRUP, WHEY, CONTAINS TWO PERCENT OR LESS OF SEMI SWEET CHOCOLATE CHIPS (SUGAR, CHOCOLATE, COCOA BUTTER, DEXTROSE, SOY LECITHIN), MILK CHOCOLATE (SUGAR, CHOCOLATE, COCOA BUTTER, MILK), COCOA (PROCESSED WITH ALKALI), MOLASSES, SALT, WHEAT STARCH, CALCIUM CARBONATE, LEAVENING (BAKING SODA, SODIUM ALUMINUM PHOSPHATE), NONFAT MILK, NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL FLAVORS, CARAMEL COLOR, VANILLA EXTRACT, EGG WHITES, SOY LECITHIN, GELATIN, MONO-AND DIGLYCERIDES, XANTHAN GUM, SODIUM STEAROYL LACTYLATE, DATEM, YELLOW #5 LAKE, RED #40 LAKE, BLUE #2 LAKE, VITAMIN A PALMITATE, YELLOW #6 LAKE, NIACINAMIDE, REDUCED IRON, PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6), RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2), THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1), FOLIC ACID.
Allergens

CONTAINS WHEAT, MILK, EGG AND SOY INGREDIENTS.
Dietary Exchange Per Serving

2 1/2 Carbohydrates, 1 Fat
Kosher Status

Not Certified
Preparation Instructons

KELLOGG'S® POP-TARTS® are fully baked and ready-to-eat right from the pouch. If you prefer them warmed, please follow these instructions. Toasting appliance and microwave capabilities differ by manufacturer. Follow the manufacturer's guidelines for safe use. Be sure your appliance is clean and functioning correctly. Children should always be closely supervised when operating toasting appliances and microwaves.

Due to possible risk of fire, never leave your toasting appliance or microwave unattended.

No Refrigeration Needed

POP-TARTS® TOASTING INSTRUCTIONS 1. Remove pastry from pouch. 2. Warm pastry in toasting appliance at lowest or lightest heat setting for one heating cycle only. 3. Cool briefly before carefully removing pastry from toasting appliance.

POP-TARTS® MICROWAVE INSTRUCTIONS 1. Remove pastry from pouch. Place pastry on a microwave-safe plate. 2. Microwave on high for 3 seconds. 3. Cool briefly before handling.

If pastry is overheated, frosting/filling can become extremely hot and could cause burns.

Time to change the locks.

Just for the record, you all are a bunch of dirty, dirty whores.

And my cat says hi.