The self deprecating I could do to my self would be unmatched.

LMAO

1. Direckshun

What a handsome, outstanding young man. Women like him, and men want to be him.

Maybe some. But some would be insightful and legit...

You're my friend. You're a good person.

But this is the worst ****ing idea I've ever heard

Write a roast about you. An honest one. Let's see...

All CP posters are funny, but some are more funny than others...

Oh, now I see where you're coming from. True. But I'd still be interested in seeing it. Not in replacement of this epic thread but as a different view. Wouldn't be the first time I had a thought that only I liked...

The only thing that sticks out in that post to me is that, that, that, that, that, that, that...

Jeeminy Christmas!!!

FYP ;)

22. Cochise

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/TedGG.JPG

The proud and honorable Apache leader Cochise was a great warrior who stood for justice and integrity in spite of the atrocities committed against his family and people by the Mexican and American governments. Therefore, it's only fitting that his memory get cheapened by a boring average middle-aged white Republican dude on the internet. Next thing you know, frazod will come back and ask his username to be changed to Dietrich ****ing Bonhoeffer.

Cochise (Hard Rock Cafe shirt, not feather) is a unique add to this Best Posters of 2014 list because he came back to CP this very year after taking several years off to rest his wounded and tired vagina, probably over the usual reasons-- "Too negative... too much name-calling... Hamas made an obscure literary reference in a QB thread... yadda yadda." He's ranked this high because he's pretty much Alex Smith-- doesn't post anything too flashy, doesn't lead any conversations, and is diligent about not making any mistakes or ruffling any feathers so that when people talk about his merits as a poster, the first thing they say is, "I really like Cochise the person, and he does some great things as a poster, but..."

And those are all the jokes I've got. Sorry. Unspectacular posters get unspectacular roasts. Get Cochise to throw downfield more often and take fewer sacks, and we'll see where we're at with him in 2015.

Until then, Cochise just missed another wide open chance at a creative insult that most top posters make 10 times out of 10. All because he was checking down to an Obama thread in the DC forum.

Way to go captain checkdown

You misspelled Rain Man

That roast was as boring as he is.

Says the guy I'd have to explain as my gender confused nephew if I ever took him to the bar with me....

Why is that even relevant...holy shit...I date and **** women...**** you.

Count Zarth, have you ever used a unisex bathroom before?

You going on an occasional date with a woman who is unfamiliar with your bundle of sticksry doesn't override the fact that you beat off to men grappling each other.

I go where the meatpeeking percentages are best.

The baby Lee roast was money. ROFL

We're almost at a 2 week hiatus. I know life gets busy, so I'm nowhere near complaining, but I am hoping for a roast dinner soon.

P.S - Cochise ranked there tells me this is absolutely SR giving the names. He's always loved him some Cochise.

I haven't been given any names by PGM or the listmaker. Sent in a few requests.

I'll wait a few more days, otherwise I'm finishing this thing myself.

Just do it you pawn! ;)

More evidence. SR hasn't logged in since 11-03.

So uh... I'm gonna tell it to ya'll straight up:

There will be butthurt.

I've gone through the member list. I pulled out names that I found to be worthy of the top of this list. Because I knew this was going to be a shit****, I applied some immediate subjective filters already in the first cutdown, where I only picked out members who have been posting somewhat frequently throughout the year of 2014 and who also have a long tradition in the time that they've been here of providing the forum with cool content of SOME type, whatever that may be. Oh, and I was scanning in order of post count and lost interest in the activity if the poster had fewer than 6000 posts. Sorry n00bs.

There are 21 spots left on the list.

And I pulled out 47 names.

If that weren't bad enough, I also have a list of 9 extra posters who are top quality members, yet they haven't been posting continuously throughout the past year, so while they're not disqualified, they're kind of on the outside looking in.

So basically... sorry in advance. Yes, I know you've devoted your time over the past 10+ years typing out 25,000+ posts. But I only have so much room left, and yes, those other dudes up there ARE cooler than you.

What I'll do is every so often in the next 21 roasts, I'll throw in a group roast of 3 or 4 names that didn't make the list but should have. That way everybody gets a jizz-stained award from lcarus's trophy store! Yay!

**** YES! LET'S ROLL AGAIN!

Sweet. Yeah there are plenty of deserved posters that won't make the cut. Gonna have to add a lot more honorable mention spots when I finally update this thing!

Spoiler...we will be having Asian for dinner in the top 21.

There have been 2 list makers. They both abandoned ship, so it's up to SNR and I to pick out the 21 best. This is tough.

Just update the ****er already.

We collectively (CheifsPlanet members) demand that you ****knuckles work around the clock if necessary to entertain us. Make it so.

Fetch a sake!

Well, if nothing else we know that the original listmaker wasn't one to plan ahead.

They abandoned. So, give up their names. I stated a while back that SR was one of them.

You have no idea how painful it was for me to type out some of these roasts. I KNEW this problem would occur. The entire time I was thinking, "Jesus ****, the listmaker can't just pull shit from his ass randomly." The list claims to be THE top 101 CP posters of 2014, not just "101 CP posters who are kind of cool and were here once, I suppose."

I don't think there's enough demand to do a sequel on this bitch in 2015, but there is, I'm totally taking the **** over and this time I'm doing it RIGHT.

Oh well - it's all in good fun. Anyone who's pissy about not making some random list can kindly go fist a monkey.

Sweet the list is so bad we are getting a sequel next year ROFL Deberg for listmaka!!!

It was fun while it lasted

now lets wash the rest of it off of this apron and get ready for the seacrows

If I don't make this list I'm coming to Colorado to fist you!

(this is only funny because people will buy that i really feel this way)

"Last edited by Pasta Giant Meatball; 09-06-2014 at 11:21 AM."

The list makers were bi polar...and Smed

Nobody ever asks me to fist a monkey!!

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/ac/acd2...e97332a931.jpg

Chiefs football baby

it's all subjective.

Interesting

****. Knuckles.

While I haven't found myself as impressed as others with many of the roasts, SNaRK definitely deserves some recognition for the phobia roast. Truly creative concept and the effort, accuracy and subtle historical detail make that one an all timer here. Nice work


Now before we go blowing our own organ I need to offer a review of the failures in the penz roast. While the ms paint was a bold inclusion your failure to season this roast with airwolf, snugga, skeet all, inclusion of wolf t shirt in drawing or bad idea jeans leave this meal dry and under seasoned. It would still be ok between two slices of white bread with ketsup or A1.

Are you calling me a monkey, you racist?

For the record, I personally have no desire to be fisted. I'm not even entirely sure how that would work, but it can't be a pleasant experience for the uninitiated.

I really should ban myself for racism. Very insensitive for me to use monkey in reference to an OBVIOUS black man. Please forgive me...

Oh there will be Big nuts flopped over open flame

chestnuts roasting on an open fire...

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Oh NOW I get it.

DaFace, . . . Like Da'Hood.

....and a melted face!

Just Zarths opening screen post makes me yearn for Christmas, is there really anything better? Every Christmas is the ultimate season of love, the hippies in 1969 are just a cheap immitation.

Christmas is the REAL season of love... I used to love getting presents, now?... the ultimate thrill is in giving them, that surprised reaction from someone is the ultimate.

The lights down low, the lights twinkiling and underneath the stuffed to the gills bottom of the tree are symbols of your love scatttered about the place, its cold outside but warm and beautiful in here... Christmas is just so cool, thanks God.

wanna snuggle with me and alex :dom:

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Oh a sequel done right would be awesome.


People got distracted due to the delays and some names made no sense

Can I surreptitiously grind one out on your backside without you eventually getting wise to it like my ex-wife?

If so, you're on... dont want sex tonight? thats fine hun, just go to sleep...

LMAO

If you strike out with Claynus, there's a dude on here who'll let you blow him if you're pretty.

Wtf...where will I be! This is bullshit!

Do you want Ebola? Cause this is how you get Ebola.

You can't come within 500 yards of Alex due to the restraining order.

ROFL

He prefers to think of the distance as "4 Alex Smith games".

I'm a ****ing artist. If you want my Ninth Symphony, then you must also put up with my Fidelio. They're both a part of me, and you can't have one without the other. So you may as well like them both.

I'm a ninja.

Easy 6 has a place for your Fidelio . . . in his tookus!!

I already know I'm not making it.

Meh...more like Argo-Gigli

**** it. I feel like roasting somebody. The rankings are ****ed up anyway, so whatever.

Roast coming up.

Who are those guys? Smed has a car in his avatar, right? Or os rhat Skip Towne? I have no clue who bi polar is.

Oh, I'm sure you'll be somewhere in the perimeter...jerkin' your Gerkin. :)

Really?

That's a shocker.

Ah, shit. Roast his ass, SNR! Roast his ASS!

noob

I can see you sick bastards snuggling to Nat King Cole right now.

21. DaFace

http://images.sodahead.com/polls/002...02_xlarge.jpeg

It's pretty obvious to all but the most loyal of citizens that Chiefs Planet has had an AWFUL history when it comes to its moderators. I mean, good ****ing lord, you remember that ZACH was a goddamn mod at one point? And it wasn't just for a joke, either. He was a mod for like a good 2 years. You also have Luzap and JazZzZzlovr who only stopped by once a year to check the mousetraps and say "Merry ****ing Christmas, assholes." And Logical (God rest his soul) was brilliant, but he was far more about the bread and circuses and less about getting the job done. Do we really recall when he took his turn throwing Marlboro into the dumpster? No. Do we remember when he abused Clay by ****ing with him like Bugs Bunny did to Daffy Duck? Yes. Yes we do.

So whenever Napoleon Phobia rapes the wheatfields with his blighted penis, it's the same garbage we always hear. "DaFace was the best." "DaFace was prompt with action." "DaFace never abused his power." "DaFace got me a new phone and paid my mortgage!"

Seriously?

For ****'s sake people, DaFace was practically a n00b when he got administrative duties. Parking Rain Man's Beemer, fetching him coffee, and waiting for the moment when Rain Man told him he could stop eating his cat's fresh turds straight out of the litter box are hardly fitting qualifications for this job. Vlad the Impaler also started off as a sex slave for depraved maniacs, and look how he ****ing turned out!

Do I have to ****ing remind you people that he's the goddamn monster who took your tags away? Do you think Logical would have done that? No, he wouldn't. Logical would have kept the tags. Do you think Mr. Flopnuts would have banned tags? Of course he ****ing wouldn't. We all know he loved to use tags! Do you think htismaqe would have taken your tags away? Depends on the time of the month, I suppose, but still!

Yeah, the whole draft day tradition to "bring back tags" was DaFace's idea. Are you really that ****ing stupid? Just because he's doing work doesn't mean he's a great mod for crying out loud. He just couldn't put up with the bitching, so he "mercifully" hands back the needles and shoelaces to the heroin addicts but only temporarily. Looks really ****ing great, doesn't it? Yeah, he's certainly got you all fooled. DaFace is a goddamn hero on draft day! He's stole our candy, but at least we're getting back the tiny niblet Tootsie Rolls!

DaFace can suck MaDick.

You filthy one who sucks the peniss don't deserve such coolness, but I think you need it:

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LMAO

BLIGHTED PENIS