Soooo im drinking n texting.... yah dangerous

Hmm. Interesting. I'm not sure I've ever farted myself awake. I've snored myself awake, coughed myself awake, choked myself awake (i.e. stopped breathing while sleeping), even erected myself awake (God bless those nighttime hormone levels). Never farted myself awake though.

why do I keep going back to buffalo wild wings? My ass still hasn't forgiven me from the last time.

TTIUWP... um, wait, on second thought, never mind, I'm kinky but not that kinky. :)

The woman brought the guy home from the bar and went into the bedroom. She came out wearing a leather outfit carrying a whip. When she did, she saw he was putting on his jacket and preparing to leave. "What's the deal?" she said. "I thought you said you were into kinky sex?" The guy replied, "Hey, I already shit in your purse and f**ked your dog. What more do you want?"

I've said it before, I'll say it again - animals, feces, conjoined twins.....these are the lines I have drawn and will never cross.

I would definitely agree with the "animals" and "feces" parts.

The conjoined twins would depend on how they were conjoined. :D

Most people have a "sexual weakness"... you know, something that turns you RIGHT the f**k on immediately. Redheads. Big jugs. English accents. Stuff like that.

I was in line for coffee just now and saw one of mine: tight white jeans. Mmm. Stems from grade school, when I sat next to this incredibly cute girl named Andrea. Straight, shoulder-length, jet black hair. Pale complexion, cute freckles. Eyes to die for. And, most importantly, a great butt and legs, and almost always wore white jeans. Scha-wing!

I know what you mean...

Whenever I see a Barbie Doll with no hair and tattoo's scribbled on it with a sharpie marker... BOING

I farted.

So you want the "crazy Britney" with some ink? Hey, whatever works for you. :D

Oh, yeah, and CNN is airing a Nutrasystem commercial.

I'd f**k the skinny Marie Osmond, even though she's no spring chicken.

Hell, throw the skinny Valerie Bertinelli in there.

MWUTBFILF*

*(Moms Who Used To Be Fatties that I'd Like to F**k)

not gonna lie to you... tennis sucks... alot...


but womens tennis has some damn fine women... and is worth the time to watch them, if you can avoid watching the tennis aspect..

Claire Danes was just on Letterman. (The show. Not the man.)

She is now tall, thin, angular, and a bit crack-whorey... Yet still attractive enough that I'd like to :hump: her until she snaps like a twig. :D

Mr Brown,I'd like to **** your daughters.......
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Tonight my top 5 celebrity ****s would be, and mind you, I'm in my 40's, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock,Courteney Cox, Angie Harmon,Jennifer Love Hewitt. Mariah Carey wearing that Golden Globe dress would be off the bench.
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